Tom McMahon

Milwaukee

Milwaukee

Helping All The Homeless People

A joke from here via here:

I recently asked my friends' little girl what she wanted to be when she grows up. She said she wanted to be President some day.

Both of her parents, proud Progressives, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were President what would be the first thing you would do? ' She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' Her parents beamed.

'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that.. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and rake my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where a homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house. '

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, ' Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?

I said, 'Welcome to the Libertarian Party.'

Her parents still aren't speaking to me.

Charm School

From Planet Proctor:

Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait at LAX. The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy producer. The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from the South.

When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman exclaimed proudly: "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me." The lady from the South commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

"When my second child was born," the Beverly Hills Belle said, "my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz." Again, the Mason-Dixon maid commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

"Then, when my third child was born," the trophy wife continued, "he bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet." Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

"And what did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?" the first woman asked. "My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southerner.

"Charm school?" the first woman cried. "Oh, my God, what on earth for?"

"Well, for example," the Southern lady responded, "Instead of saying, 'Who gives a shit', I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that precious'..."

The 1972 National Lampoon Ted Kennedy Volkswagen Satire Advertisement

The 1972 National Lampoon Ted Kennedy Volkswagen Satire Advertisement

After Volkswagen sued them National Lampoon ran the following retraction:

"Even if Ted Kennedy had driven a Volkswagen he wouldn't be president today."

You can see the real ad upon which the parody is based here.

Did You Know That The Nazis Were The First Multi-Level Marketing Organization In World History?

Did You Know That The Nazis Were The First Multi-Level Marketing Organization In World History?

So Who's Your Real Friend?

This really works…! If you don’t believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your spouse in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?

via Fairly Conservative

Why Should I Care How Much It Weighs?

•   I was driving down the highway and saw a sign: "55 ton bridge -- 5 miles ahead"

Revealed: Whatever Happened to Loni Anderson?

Revealed: Whatever Happened to Loni Anderson?

She's on the air in Kalamazoo ;-)

Restrooms

Restrooms

A Terrific Idea: Hire Blind People To Clear Minefields

A Terrific Idea: Hire Blind People To Clear Minefields