var imagenumber = 212 ; var randomnumber = Math.random() ; var rand1 = Math.round( (imagenumber-1) * randomnumber) + 1 ; quotesbs = new Array //change the quotes if desired. Add/ delete additional quotes as desired. quotesbs[1]='I will not skateboard in the halls' quotesbs[2]='I will not burp in class' quotesbs[3]='I will not instigate revolution' quotesbs[4]='I will not draw naked ladies in class' quotesbs[5]='I did not see Elvis' quotesbs[6]='I will not call my teacher \"Hot Cakes\"' quotesbs[7]='Garlic gum is not funny' quotesbs[8]='They are laughing at me, not with me' quotesbs[9]='I will not yell \"Fire\" in a crowded classroom' quotesbs[10]='I will not encourage others to fly' quotesbs[11]='Tar is not a plaything' quotesbs[12]='I will not Xerox my butt' quotesbs[13]='It\'s potato, not potatoe' quotesbs[14]='I will not trade pants with others' quotesbs[15]='I am not a 32 year old woman' quotesbs[16]='I will not do that thing with my tongue' quotesbs[17]='I will not drive the principal\'s car' quotesbs[18]='I will not pledge allegiance to Bart' quotesbs[19]='I will not sell school property' quotesbs[20]='I will not cut corners' quotesbs[21]='I will not get very far with this attitude' quotesbs[22]='I will not make flatuent noises in class' quotesbs[23]='I will not belch the National Anthem' quotesbs[24]='I will not sell land in Florida' quotesbs[25]='I will not grease the monkey bars' quotesbs[26]='I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment' quotesbs[27]='I will not do anything bad ever again' quotesbs[28]='I will not show off' quotesbs[29]='I will not sleep through my education' quotesbs[30]='I am not a dentist' quotesbs[31]='Spitwads are not free speech' quotesbs[32]='Nobody likes sunburn slappers' quotesbs[33]='High explosives and school don\'t mix' quotesbs[34]='I will not squeak chalk' quotesbs[35]='I will finish what I sta' quotesbs[36]='\"Bart Bucks\" are not legal tender' quotesbs[37]='I will not fake rabies' quotesbs[38]='Underwear should be worn on the inside' quotesbs[39]='The Christmas Pageant does not stink' quotesbs[40]='I will not torment the emotionally frail' quotesbs[41]='I will not carve gods' quotesbs[42]='I will not spank others' quotesbs[43]='I will not aim for the head' quotesbs[44]='I will not barf unless I\'m sick' quotesbs[45]='I saw nothing unusual in the teacher\'s lounge' quotesbs[46]='I will not conduct my own fire drills' quotesbs[47]='Funny noises are not funny' quotesbs[48]='I will not spin the turtle' quotesbs[49]='I will not snap bras' quotesbs[50]='I will not fake seizures' quotesbs[51]='This punishment is not boring and pointless' quotesbs[52]='My name is not Dr. Death' quotesbs[53]='I will not defame New Orleans' quotesbs[54]='I will not prescribe medication' quotesbs[55]='I will not bury the new kid' quotesbs[56]='I will not teach others to fly' quotesbs[57]='I will not bring sheep to class' quotesbs[58]='A burp is not an answer' quotesbs[59]='Teacher is not a leper' quotesbs[60]='Coffee is not for kids' quotesbs[61]='I will not eat things for money' quotesbs[62]='I will not yell \"She\'s Dead\" during roll call' quotesbs[63]='The principal\'s toupee is not a Frisbee' quotesbs[64]='I will not call the principal \"spud head\"' quotesbs[65]='Goldfish don\'t bounce' quotesbs[66]='Mud is not one of the 4 food groups' quotesbs[67]='No one is interested in my underpants' quotesbs[68]='I will not sell miracle cures' quotesbs[69]='I will return the seeing-eye dog' quotesbs[70]='I do not have diplomatic immunity' quotesbs[71]='I will not charge admission to the bathroom' quotesbs[72]='I will never win an Emmy' quotesbs[73]='The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy' quotesbs[74]='All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy' quotesbs[75]='I will not say \"Springfield\" just to get applause' quotesbs[76]='I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers' quotesbs[77]='My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man' quotesbs[78]='I will not go near the kindergarten turtle' quotesbs[79]='I am not delightfully saucy' quotesbs[80]='Organ transplants are best left to the professionals' quotesbs[81]='The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan' quotesbs[82]='I will not celebrate meaningless milestones' quotesbs[83]='There are plenty of businesses like show business' quotesbs[84]='I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball' quotesbs[85]='Five days is not too long to wait for a gun' quotesbs[86]='Beans are neither fruit nor musical' quotesbs[87]='I will not use abbrev.' quotesbs[88]='I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.' quotesbs[89]='I will not send lard through the mail' quotesbs[90]='I will not dissect things unless instructed' quotesbs[91]='I will not whittle hall passes out of soap' quotesbs[92]='Ralph won\'t \"morph\" if you squeeze him hard enough' quotesbs[93]='Adding \"just kidding\" doesn\'t make it okay to insult the Principal' quotesbs[94]='\"Bagman\" is not a legitimate career choice' quotesbs[95]='Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does' quotesbs[96]='Next time it could be me on the scaffolding' quotesbs[97]='I will not hang donuts on my person' quotesbs[98]='I will remember to take my medication' quotesbs[99]='I will not strut around like I own the place' quotesbs[100]='The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far' quotesbs[101]='I do not have power of attorney over first graders' quotesbs[102]='Nerve gas is not a toy' quotesbs[103]='I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface' quotesbs[104]='The First Amendment does not cover burping' quotesbs[105]='This is not a clue...or is it?' quotesbs[106]='I will not complain about the solution when I hear it' quotesbs[107]='\"Bewitched\" does not promote Satanism' quotesbs[108]='No one wants to hear from my armpits' quotesbs[109]='I am not a lean mean spitting machine' quotesbs[110]='The boys room is not a water park' quotesbs[111]='Indian burns are not our cultural heritage' quotesbs[112]='Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things' quotesbs[113]='I will only do this once a year' quotesbs[114]='I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist' quotesbs[115]='I am not certified to remove asbestos' quotesbs[116]='I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten' quotesbs[117]='I am not my long-lost twin' quotesbs[118]='The truth is not out there' quotesbs[119]='I am not licensed to do anything' quotesbs[120]='I will not hide the teacher\'s Prozac' quotesbs[121]='I will not lie in front of the school bus with ketchup on my face' quotesbs[122]='A fire drill does not demand a fire' quotesbs[123]='I no longer want my MTV' quotesbs[124]='Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story' quotesbs[125]='I did not invent Irish dancing' quotesbs[126]='I will not tease Fatty' quotesbs[127]='There was no Roman god named \"Fartacus\"' quotesbs[128]='Rudolph\'s red nose is not alcohol-related' quotesbs[129]='Shooting paintballs is not an art form' quotesbs[130]='Pain is not the cleanser' quotesbs[131]='Silly String is not a nasal spray' quotesbs[132]='I was not told to do this' quotesbs[133]='My butt does not deserve a website' quotesbs[134]='I will not demand what I\'m worth' quotesbs[135]='I will not mess with the opening credits' quotesbs[136]='I am not the new Dalai Lama' quotesbs[137]='I was not the inspiration for \"Kramer\"' quotesbs[138]='I will not file frivolous lawsuits' quotesbs[139]='\"butt.butt\" is not my E-mail address' quotesbs[140]='No one cares what my definition of \"is\" is' quotesbs[141]='I will not scream for ice cream' quotesbs[142]='I am not a licensed hairstylist' quotesbs[143]='\"The President did it\" is not an excuse ' quotesbs[144]='My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld' quotesbs[145]='Sherri does not \"got back\"' quotesbs[146]='I will not do the Dirty Bird' quotesbs[147]='No one wants to hear about my sciatica' quotesbs[148]='Hillbillies are people too' quotesbs[149]='Grammar is not a time of waste' quotesbs[150]='It does not suck to be you' quotesbs[151]='I cannot absolve sins' quotesbs[152]='A trained ape could not teach gym' quotesbs[153]='Loose teeth don\'t need my help' quotesbs[154]='I have neither been there nor done that' quotesbs[155]='I\'m so very tired' quotesbs[156]='Fridays are not \"pants optional\"' quotesbs[157]='Pork is not a verb' quotesbs[158]='I am not the last Don' quotesbs[159]='I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize' quotesbs[160]='I won\'t not use no double negatives' quotesbs[161]='I can\'t see dead people' quotesbs[162]='I will not sell my kidney on eBay' quotesbs[163]='I will not create art from dung' quotesbs[164]='I will stop phoning it in' quotesbs[165]='Class clown is not a paid position' quotesbs[166]='Substitute teachers are not scabs' quotesbs[167]='My suspension was not \"mutual\"' quotesbs[168]='A belch is not an oral report' quotesbs[169]='Dodgeball stops at the gym door' quotesbs[170]='\"Non-Flammable\" is not a challenge' quotesbs[171]='I was not touched \"there\" by an angel' quotesbs[172]='I am not here on a fartball scholarship' quotesbs[173]='I will not dance on anyone\'s grave' quotesbs[174]='I cannot hire a substitute student' quotesbs[175]='I will not obey the voices in my head' quotesbs[176]='I will not surprise the incontinent' quotesbs[177]='I am not the acting President' quotesbs[178]='I was not the sixth Beatle' quotesbs[179]='I will only provide a urine sample when asked' quotesbs[180]='The nurse is not dealing' quotesbs[181]='Science class should not end in tragedy' quotesbs[182]='Network TV is not dead' quotesbs[183]='I will not \"let the dogs out\"' quotesbs[184]='I will not hide the teacher\'s medication' quotesbs[185]='I will not publish the Principal\'s credit report' quotesbs[186]='The hamster did not have \"a full life\"' quotesbs[187]='I will not buy a Presidential pardon' quotesbs[188]='\"Temptation Island\" was not a sleazy piece of crap' quotesbs[189]='I will not scare the Vice President' quotesbs[190]='I will not flush evidence' quotesbs[191]='Fire is not the cleanser' quotesbs[192]='Genetics is not an excuse' quotesbs[193]='Today is not Mothra\'s day' quotesbs[194]='I should not be twenty-one by now' quotesbs[195]='Nobody reads these anymore' quotesbs[196]='A burp in a jar is not a science project' quotesbs[197]='Fun does not have a size' quotesbs[198]='I am not Charlie Brown on acid' quotesbs[199]='I do not have a cereal named after me' quotesbs[200]='I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers' quotesbs[201]='The giving tree is not a chump' quotesbs[202]='Making Milhouse cry is not a science project' quotesbs[203]='Vampire is not a career choice' quotesbs[204]='I will never lie about being cancelled again' quotesbs[205]='Fish do not like coffee' quotesbs[206]='Milhouse did not test cootie positive' quotesbs[207]='This school does not need a \"regime change\"' quotesbs[208]='SpongeBob is not a contraceptive' quotesbs[209]='My pen is not a booger launcher' quotesbs[210]='Sandwiches should not contain sand' quotesbs[211]='Over forty and single is not funny' quotesbs[212]='I will not waste chalk' var quote = quotesbs[rand1] document.write(quote)